Part Two: Subtle Storytelling Mistakes Organizations Make and How to Avoid Them

Most organizations have stories to tell.

The challenge is rarely a lack of content.

It is losing sight of the audience the story is meant to serve.

From my time as a journalist and broadcaster, I learned that strong storytelling is not about how much information you include. It is about whether someone recognizes their own experience in the story.

Do they feel seen?

Do they think, this reflects real life?

Small storytelling mistakes are easy to overlook, but they can quietly weaken impact.

Here are six common ones, and better choices we can make.

1.     Talking at people instead of with them

This happens when stories sound like announcements instead of conversations. When communication feels one-way, people disengage.

Connection grows when people feel recognized, not spoken over.

Illustrative example

Announcement style:

We are pleased to announce our new program launching in April.

Conversational style:

Have you ever felt unsure where to turn when everything suddenly changes?

We heard that. Starting in April, more support will be available.

One shares information.

The other creates recognition.

The conversational approach works because it reflects a feeling people already carry.

Better ways to approach it

·       Write as if you are speaking to one person

·       Ask real questions people already ask themselves

·       Who will help me figure this out?

·       Am I the only one feeling this way?

·       Reflect everyday moments people recognize

·       Invite conversation, not applause

2. Making the organization the hero of the story

When stories focus on what the organization did, audiences often tune out. People are not looking to admire institutions. They want to understand how something affects their life, their family, or someone they care about.

Illustrative example

Organization-led:

We successfully delivered a new service model.

People-led:

When a parent shared that accessing services was now easier and less stressful, we knew introducing a new service model had made a difference.

Stories resonate more when the people you serve lead the narrative.

What tends to work

·       Let lived experience take centre stage

·       Show impact through outcomes, not claims

·       Remember that trust grows through results, not self-praise

3. Too many messages in one story

We have all seen this.

A single story tries to explain the mission, the strategy, the history, the update, and the thank-you.

When everything is included, nothing stands out.

Illustrative example

A single update reads:

For over 40 years, our organization has been committed to advancing inclusion. This year, we launched a new strategic plan focused on innovation and sustainability, while also celebrating our history, highlighting staff achievements, and thanking our donors for their continued support as we move forward together.

The reader is left unsure what mattered most.

Was it the mission?

The strategy?

The history?

It is like explaining a movie while also reviewing the acting, listing the director’s past work, and sharing trivia. The point gets lost before it lands.

What audiences respond to

·       One story

·       One message

·       One clear takeaway

Everything else should support that single idea.

4. Telling instead of showing

Phrases like we care or we are innovative sound positive, but they rarely persuade on their own. People believe what they can picture.

Instead of saying you value kindness, describe the moment a staff member stayed late so someone did not have to face a difficult evening alone. That is where values become real.

What works better

·       Share a specific moment

·       Describe a decision that mattered

·       Highlight a small, human detail

·       Let actions speak

5. No clear next step

Some stories end and leave people wondering, now what?

We may feel moved and then scroll on. Not because we did not care, but because we were not invited in.

Better ways to approach it

·       Ask a reflective question: What would support like this change for you?

·       Invite people to learn more

·       Offer one simple next step

·       Clarity is not pressure. It is respect for the audience.

6. Inconsistent brand voice

Shifting between formal corporate language and a conversational tone can feel disjointed. Both styles can work. Together, without intention, they create distance instead of trust.

What works

·       Decide how your brand sounds

·       Stay consistent

·       Warm, clear, human language works in most settings

·       You can be professional and compassionate at the same time

Key takeaway

As noted in Part One, if people cannot see themselves in the story, it will not stay with them.

When storytelling is intentional, it becomes more than communication.

It becomes connection.

Before sharing your next story, pause and ask:

Who is this for?

What will they recognize?

What will they feel?

Choose one message. Let everything else support it.

That is where meaningful stories begin.

Coming up in Part Three: What Storytelling Can Unlock When Intention Leads.

Petronilla Ndebele, Principal Consultant and Founder of NillaRock Communications